New Year's resolutions:

1. Stop seducing 30-something-year-old married men!
2. Seriously, stop it.
3. Stop sneaking nibbles of cheese!
4. Spend less money on food.

So far I'm not doing too well on any of them.

Today was just the tiniest bit orgasmical.
Parlier had the Clipboard Of Death™ out today and was circling me like vulture. Peering over his glasses and eyefucking me periodically.
Oh, the pressure and ridicule makes me hot. XD
I didn't know he wore glasses. I'm entirely dead now. It just doesn't stop, does it? I walked into the office and he pulls them down and peers at me and goes, "Yes?". And then I pretty much forget English.
I'm like, "Uh, Nancy said that... *handflail*, checkssss..."
He laughs and sorts through the stack and finds mine and hands it to me.
I try to scrape up enough braincells to say "Thank you, Sir."
Then he said something that made me die.
He goes, "You're allowed in the back office, you know."
I go, "Oh, ok... I just didn't want to..., y'know."
He says, "Shhh. I give you permission." And smiles. THEMOSTDEVIOUSSMILEOHMYSHIT.

Oh. Mygod.
I was like WTF DID HE JUST "SHHH" ME?!?!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111eleven!

Fuck, NO ONE should have a boss so hot.
[/endspazz]

Oh and Rob the creepy cart guy has a crush on me, HAHAHAHAHAHA ew.
For serious, for the last 3 consecutive days, he has asked me if "I'm 18 yet?".

He like, yells it across the store, too. Idiot.

Skee-lo and I were writing on money today when no one was looking.
He took a $10 and wrote "LOL AMISH" on Lincoln's head, and I wrote "Subvert The Dominant Paradigm" on a few $1's.
We are such unruly kids, I sware. I do however adore how if I do something bad with him, I don't get in trouble, but let me do something like apply lip balm while on the clock when I'm alone and I get my ass chewed out.
Fucking boss. It's because he knows that I am deathly obiedient and he takes advantage of it. Wicked, wicked man.

Last night KP joked about me leaning on the belts when waiting for customers. Needless to say, my spine aches from standing so inhumanly straight up and down for 8 solid hours today.

Hi. I didn't get enough love as a child.

screeeeeeech.

Guess who ran away and got married to a chick 3 years my senior whilst I was here wenching it up and aching in his absence?

The pain.

Time to fire up Plan B and ask him if he's in the market for a new daughter...?
No? Okay.
Fuck.

I am always so nice to people at work no matter how crap I'm feeling, and I get people in and out in seconds, now. I go over and above what is required for the customers. I not only bag their stuff but I put in their carts for them and I always tell them about any specials or whatever that are on.
And yet they're always finding something to bitch at me for, and I'm a minimum-wage slave.

And Amanda is so rude to the customers all the time - if she can even be bothered to talk to them - and she eats and drinks and uses her cell phone at her register and she goes *so* unbelievably slow. And not only does no one EVER get on her, not even polite suggestions, but she gets paid more than me.

I. Don't. Under. Stand.

( Bags of free chocolate from my husband?!?! )

And then before I left I had to do returns quickly before I had to be back on my register which I realized will be the closest I will ever come to being on "Supermarket Sweep". Le sigh.

So today I'm working close shift with KP and Skyler, and these are the kinds of days that make my not only tolerable, but fucking fun.
At the very, very least... the bare minimum... if our love is doomed to never be, my mother has to marry Mr. Parlier and he has to adopt me. I'll take what I can get. The dude is just too cool.

Jenna still hates me because of the incident a few weeks ago. The ONE time I for some reason or another say "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays", it's to someone Jewish. How was I supposed to know? I felt embarrassed and bad enough, it's no reason to be pissy at me for weeks, lol.
I even gave holiday-neutral cards to all my co-workers just in case of this! See, I'm not bad! But she has clung onto my indescretion for an unusually long amount of time.

Perhaps I am genetically wired to tolerate yodeling, but that new Gwen Stefani song has taken over my life. How can I love this? I can recognize rationally that it is shite, but yet when it's playing, it speaks to some idiotic part of my brain and I decide that it is brilliant.
The 12-year-old part of my brain that looks like this: [=*^_^*=]!

I've had an entire week off from work, yay! But I've got to work all week... and a few 8-hour shifts as oppsed to my usual 5.5 or 6. Oh well. I need the money pretty badly anyway.

Oh my God. People are idiots.

Scene: guy buys about 10 items. Baking stuff, olive oil, bread, a Hallmark card. I ring it all up, scan his store discount card, and tell him his total.

AF: Whoa whoa whoa.
Me: Yes?
AF: Something ain't right.
Me: Pardon me?
AF: That's a lot of money. That ain't right.
Me: *checks each item on the monitor just to make sure I didn't scan anything twice or anything. Everything's fine*
Me: Everything went through just fine. Would you like me to read it back to you, sir?
AF: Yeah, yeah. You better do that...
Me: *reads out entire receipt and price of each item while he watches, scowling*...
Me: ...blahblahblah, and the card was $3.69.
AF: $3.69 for a Goddamned card?
Me: Yep, that's what it says, sir.
AF: Damn... here you better scan this card again or somethin' cause that shit's crazy. *hands me mvp card*
Me: It only has to be scanned once to get your discount but sure, I'll do it again. *takes and swipes*
*nothing changes*
AF: *shakes head*
AF: I hate this store.
Me: *thinks "hows about you hate Hallmark, bitch!"* >:o
AF: Nah something ain't right. You sure you added that up right?
Me: Yes sir, I read it all out to you. I can... get a calculator if you'd like and double check?
AF: Yeah... yeah you better do that.
Me: *Slowly adds every item up as he watches suspiciously*
AF: *shakes head again and looks at me like he still doesn't believe me and I'm trying to be sneaky and rip him off or something.*
AF: Okay... whatever, man.
Me: *hands him his reciept and smiles*
Me: You have a great day!
AF: Yeah, not in this damn crazy store! *walks off*

DO PEOPLE NOT EVEN LOOK AT WHAT THEY'RE BUYING?!? >.

I think everyone should listen to The Grates. They're awesome and don't get enough love. Think... the yeah yeah yeahs if they were 13 years old and strung out on pixie sticks on the playground.
http://www.myspace.com/thegrates

And huzzah for victory with the midterms and all!
Nancy Pelosi is a badass.

Life is just really boring lately. Hence why I haven't really posted...

Yay my fluffy baby! :D

These past few days have been hella fucked and hella draining.
I've been babysitting my (devil-possessed)7-year-old cousin.
I had to take him out and recently, for some God-forsaken reason, someone has let him watch the South Park movie and he is currently very fond of, and proud of himself for, going up to strangers and reinacting his favourite scenes.
Gee, excuse me old lady, I'm very sorry my cousin called you a boner-biting bastard uncle fucker...

I don't get paid near enough for this. XD

And random, but I found this and I kinda ( got really inspired... )